Speaking Up and Shutting Up

This is an excerpt from "The Feast," the Bible Study that I'm organizing for the Sunday School class that I teach. I know that I don't write nearly as many posts as I used to, but it isn't because I'm not writing. I wanted to give you a look at what I've been up to. If you are looking for more information about "The Feast," click here.

I have a difficult time knowing when to speak and when to keep my mouth shut.  I remember being at the hair salon when I was thirteen. I don’t know how we got there, but I felt the need to tell everyone in the room that, “My dad is completely different guy when he isn’t behind the pulpit.” What I meant was that my dad is at his most interesting when he is preaching. It’s almost like there’s some dormant part of his personality that wakes up as he preaches. As my mother later informed me, it sounded like I was saying that my father is giant hypocrite who doesn’t live the way that he teaches others to live. Oops! Though I’ve learned many lessons in inter-personal communication since I was thirteen, I still spend large amounts of time debating when to speak and what to say, and I often get it wrong.

          Maybe that’s why the story of Abigail is one of my favorites. In 1 Samuel 25, we see a woman who speaks up with boldness and grace, and earns a position as queen. As I re-read her story this week, I suddenly realized that I had never understood the full impact that Abigail had on David.

          Just as a reminder, Abigail is a beautiful and intelligent woman who is married to a “harsh and evil” man named Nabal. David protected Nabal’s shepherds as they sheared Nabal’s flock, but the rich Nabal refuses to share his food and wine with David and his men on a feast day. David reacts violently when his servants return with word of Nabal’s stinginess. David takes 400 of his men to attack Nabal, with the intention of killing every man in his household. That’s when Abigail enters the scene. She takes food and wine and rides out to David, just as he is speaking of his violent intentions toward the house of Nabal. She gets off of her donkey, bows with her face to the ground, and says,

"The guilt is mine, my lord, but please let your servant speak to you directly. Listen to the words of your servant.  ²⁵ My lord should pay no attention to this worthless man Nabal, for he lives up to his name: His name is Nabal, and stupidity is all he knows. I, your servant, didn't see my lord's young men whom you sent. ²⁶ Now my lord, as surely as the LORD lives and as you yourself live, it is the LORD who kept you from participating in bloodshed and avenging yourself by your own hand. May your enemies and those who want trouble for my lord be like Nabal. ²⁷ Accept this gift your servant has brought to my lord, and let it be given to the young men who follow my lord. ²⁸ Please forgive your servant's offense, for the LORD is certain to make a lasting dynasty for my lord because he fights the LORD's battles. Throughout your life, may evil not be found in you…” 1Samuel 25:24-28 CSB

           David blesses Abigail for her discernment and refrains from killing Nabal. When Abigail tells her husband what happened, he becomes paralyzed, and he dies ten days later. When David hears about Nabal, he blesses the LORD for restraining him from doing evil, and he sends for Abigail to take her as his wife.

          It’s a pretty cool story, but this week I saw something that I hadn’t noticed before. At the end of 1 Samuel 25, we see that David also took Ahinoam as a wife, but we don’t hear her story. Why is this story more significant that Ahinoam’s? I believe that we see the reason in the next chapter.

          David and his follower Abishai go into Saul’s camp, where they find the king asleep. Abishai asks David if may kill Saul with the spear that Saul has stuck in the ground next to his head. David’s response is very interesting to me.

David added, "As the LORD lives, the LORD will certainly strike him down: either his day will come and he will die, or he will go into battle and perish. ¹¹ However, because of the LORD, I will never lift my hand against the LORD's anointed. Instead, take the spear and the water jug by his head, and let's go."

1 Samuel 26:10-11 CSB

           David seems completely confident that the LORD is going to handle Saul. Just last chapter, David intended on taking matters into his own hands with Nabal, but something has changed since then. It appears that the LORD used the incident with Nabal to prove to David that He is going to bring about justice. In many ways, Nabal is very similar to Saul. He is a wicked man who is very powerful and rich, and who doesn’t recognize the kindness that David has shown him. God used this episode of David’s life to intervene before David took matters into his own hands. God saw the temptation that David would face as he stood over King Saul, and God stepped in through a woman named Abigail.

Un-Illustrated Stories of Our Lives

So, here's the deal: I really wanted to give you some photos in this post, but I can't find my card reader for my camera's memory card. I've looked, but it simply does not desire to be found at the moment. You're just going to have to use your imaginations.

DeLaynie has lost two teeth. She actually pulled them out herself! When we went to the dentist, the hygienist told me that one was wiggly. I was a little concerned about how DeLaynie would react. She's so sensitive about so many things that I was afraid that the idea of losing a part of herself would be disturbing. I was incredibly wrong. She pulled out the first one while at school. When she got off the bus that day, she kept yelling, "Look, Mommy! Look!" She was pointing into her mouth, but it still took me a second to figure it out. The bus driver filled me in as to her excitement. On Sunday night I was able to witness the encore. DeLaynie had been rolling on a mattress, and she must have bit down on her other wiggly tooth. As I watched, she stuck her little hands into her mouth and yanked out the offender. I'm very grateful that I was completely passive.

In other news, both DeLaynie and Ella have suddenly become cuddly. They started sleeping in one twin-sized bed last week. We were afraid that one would fall out, so we pushed their beds together. They still end up sleeping in one bed, but they generally pick the one next to the wall, so they should be safe. Ella's always been cuddly, and she adores DeLaynie, so she's positively thrilled that her sister is finally reciprocating her desire to snuggle.

Finally (for now), I am about to start my first job since having kiddos. I have a friend who has worked as a reservation agent, and has now been promoted to human resources. She mentioned that her company is hiring people for her original job, and I was beginning to look for some work. It's a completely work-from-home gig, but we'll still send Ella to a friend's house one extra morning a week because the job requires a distraction-free environment. Although this job will change our lives as little as any job could, I'm still a little nervous about the adjustment. I'm really not concerned about the kids. Ella's life will only change by one morning a week, and DeLaynie will only realize I'm working on Saturdays because I'll work the rest of my hours while she's at school. It's been a long time since I've had a job, and I'm interested to see how it plays out. The whole truth is that I'm more excited than nervous. Although I have hoped for a writing or ministry opportunity to open up, it hasn't. Until it does, I'm grateful for the opportunity to have a structured job that will allow me to bring in some funds.

Trust me that I had an adorable pic of the girls all scrunched up on one twin bed and another cute one of a much less toothed DeLaynie. Sadly, you can't see them, but it isn't because I didn't try. I should definitely get some Mommy points for this post, despite the lack of photographic evidence.

White Chick in Denial

I've had to move my work-outs indoors. I always have a difficult time transitioning from outdoor walks to indoor treading. I can't even cross country ski at the moment because all of our snow melted. The silver lining is that inside work-outs can include Pandora radio on my iPod. I don't have iPhone, so I need an internet connection in order to enjoy Pandora. And I do so enjoy Pandora.

This finally gets me to my point. I love Lecrae and 116 Pandora stations! My favorite album is "Man Up" by 116. I realize that I couldn't be less of the target audience. The intended listeners are, well, men, and generally from an inner-city background. I'm a white, small-town, suburban kind of chick. But I still love it.

I'm not sure if I should ask for permission to borrow the awesomeness of the African American Christian culture, if only for the time that I'm on the treadmill. I want to say a giant, "thank you!" to Lecrae, Tadashii, Trip Lee, and so many others who are producing theologically sound, high-quality, fun music. And thanks for letting me elbow my way to the front of the virtual stage, despite my minivan and complete lack of rhythm. It's definitely a good thing that they don't have to see the desecration that is my praise dancing. I'm pretty sure that the LORD is the only One who gets a kick out of that.

[Insert Evil Laughter Here]

We got ourselves a skunk! My beloved hubby went downstairs to check it out, and there it was: a black and white pain-in-the-neck, behind bars. Somehow, I feel like I've accomplished something, although I had very little to do with it.

As I mentioned previously, I have no idea how many skunks there are. I'm desperately hoping that they see their friend in a cage and run for their lives. I'm pretty sure that isn't how it works, though.

This little victory has given us the courage to carry on. And carry we shall.

Skunk-date

We checked the trap this morning. The door was shut, but no skunk. Either the animals are getting smarter or the people designing the traps are getting dumber.

The Smell of Death

We've been skunked! Thoroughly, unrelentingly skunked!

My initial reaction was guilt enveloped by denial. We're well passed that point now. We have recently learned that our house has had a long, sordid history with skunks, and that it has nothing to do with how much I clean the house or how domestic I am. So don't judge me, or I may just send the skunk to your house.

The good news is that it isn't dead. When a dead skunk decays, the smell can literally run you out of your house. The bad news is that we can't find the demonic thing in order to get rid of it. The other bad news is that our skunk may actually be a family of skunks.

We called in a wildlife control guy, who set some traps, but all we've managed to do so far is feed the skunk(s). He came back and re-baited the trap and we're hoping that tonight will be the last night that demon-skunk is with us.

Or else we'll become "the stinky people"... and we'll have no friends... and no one will visit... and my daughters will die old maids...

Maybe I should try some positive thinking. "We will trap the skunk. We will trap the skunk. Oh, please God, let us trap the skunk!"

Almost Blogging

I know that it appears that I haven't blogged since last Saturday, but I've been doing quite a lot of "almost blogging." I've written several drafts, full of wit and pith, but with every almost-post, I came to the conclusion that it was too critical or could easily be misinterpreted.

Maybe I'm more aware than most of the potentially disastrous effects of a misstep in communication. Pastor's daughters grow up with a higher than average amount of pressure on our words and actions, and I am not someone with a sixth sense of what is appropriate and what is not. I have had to learn the difference between outside thoughts and inside thoughts, a lesson that most people seem to grasp naturally.

I know that there are many people who hold to the philosophy that the best thing to do is say what is on your mind without concern to those who are offended. I have a couple of problems with this idea. First, communication is a two step process. The communicator expresses a thought, and then the receiver interprets. To ignore the second part of the equation is foolish because you will never be able to fully connect with others without ensuring that the interpretation is consistent with the thought you wish to express. The second problem that I have with the "just get it all out" plan is that we all represent our ideologies to the world. I represent Christ, my husband, women as a whole, my parents, and my church when I express my thoughts. It's just, plain foolish to ignore the responsibility that I have to those whom I represent.

On the other end of the spectrum is the belief that you should never offend anyone. I have just as big of an issue with this philosophy as I do with the first. It seems like some people like to get their feelings hurt, and they spend their whole lives looking for the opportunity to be offended. It isn't everyone else's job to coddle them in their over-sensitivity. There's also the issue that there are times when the truth must be spoken, even though it is offensive. There are more than a few situations in which healing can only grow from initial hurt.

So here I dwell on the median between the ditches of complete insensitivity and oversensitivity, guarding each word as if it could be my last. There are times when the only right thing to say is nothing, and the only opinion that needs to be expressed is the opinion that not every opinion should be expressed.