Saturday, May 21, 2011

Prom

The students from church spoil me. Tonight is the prom, and because I'm so incredibly pitiful, they came by to let me see how fantastically gorgeous they all are.


I also spent the day preparing for a glamorous activity that I'm planning for next weekend- a garage sale. I was wearing a t-shirt, glasses, and no makeup. Although I didn't take a picture of myself, I was able to find a fairly accurate approximation.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Imaginary Journey

Last night we went on an "imaginary journey" during foster care class. We were asked to imagine ourselves in our home, with our people, in our favorite place. Then there's a knock at the door, and a "people mover" is on the other side. She tells me that I have to leave my home, my people, and my favorite place to go to a new family, a new spouse, and a new home. She assures me that the new home is much nicer than the old one, and that the family is very excited for me to join them. I arrive at my new home and meet my new family. There are lots of new things (I imagined a jacuzzi tub) and the family is really very nice, but I'm not allowed to see my family or my people again.

A year goes by, and in an attempt to make the most out of it, I have bonded with my new family. I have wanted to see my family, but because of scheduling conflicts, I haven't been able to see them since I left. Then the people mover comes to my new home and tells me that I'm going back to the people who used to be my people and the home that used to be my home. We pull in and I rejoin my family. The people mover leaves, and I am left to understand what I'm supposed to do and who my family actually is.

The idea of this imaginary journey is to help us understand what our foster children are going to be experiencing when they come to us. We'll be expecting them; they won't be expecting us. We're going to be excited about seeing them; they won't know how to feel about us. We're going to think we're helping them; they're going to think that we're pulling them away from everything that is normal.

Although many (but not all) children are going to come to us from abusive homes, it's still their home. Even if their parents weren't showing them love and affection in appropriate ways, it still felt like love to them. (I want to make it absolutely clear that not all children in foster care come from those kinds of homes. Misunderstandings happen. Some parents just need help to be ready to parent.)

And then they come to us. It's a sobering thought. I'm grateful that I get to be the person on the other side of the door. It's a challenge that I am ill-equipped to handle... apart from Christ. By His grace, I have been given all things pertaining to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), even if I don't always feel like my tool box has everything that I need. His does, and He lets me use all the tools at His disposal. Infinite grace will be my strength. Infinite love will be my hiding place. Infinite comfort will be my rest.

I say all of this so that I can see it, read it, and believe it. The journey we're about to begin is anything but pretend. It's a good thing my God is as real as any problem.

Friday, May 13, 2011

My Husband's Better than Yours

And how do I know? He just turned the main television to "Hanson: Best 5 of 5", brought me a cookie and milk, and walked out of the room. He's quietly watching basketball on the teeny-tiny upstairs t.v. while his wife resists the urge to boogie as her middle school (and high school... and college) crushes play some tunes that make her feel uncharacteristically giddy.

That's how I know.

So admit it. My husband is better than yours.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

The Glories of Spring

Spring has come! It's been here a little longer for a few of you, but we're just now getting a real glimpse of springy-springishness.

On Monday, we received a very special gift from two church families. One man owns a saw mill, and another likes to build things. The two got together and made our girls one amazing swing set. It isn't quite finished because the monkey bars haven't come in yet, but here's a look at the beautiful play set:





Ella was actually the first to get up the nerve to go down the slide. It's odd for Ella to be the more adventurous of the kids, but the call of the slide overtook her.



DeLaynie has always been in love swings, so she was pretty jazzed when she got a glimpse of our new set.


As was Ella.




Sadly, we got the play set on Monday, and the bottom fell out of the sky that evening, and wasn't returned until yesterday. The good news is that we received an invitation for an indoor treat....
BABY CHICKS!


This is DeLaynie in Heaven:


This is Ella pensively handling the fragility of life.


Maybe the difference in their reaction has to deal with the fact that I told Ella why our friends bought the baby chicks (that would be for dinner). I knew that DeLaynie couldn't possible deal with this dark side of reality, and that I would never again be able to get her to eat chicken, so I left her naive to the beauty of the food chain.

We've also been enjoying new pets, sort of. DeLaynie and Ella bought a butterfly garden with a birthday gift card. We've been watching each caterpillar build their chrysalis, and each chrysalis burst open with a brand new butterfly.

The butterflies have beautiful wings, but you can only see their colors when they open their wings, and that doesn't happen on demand. So witness the gray blandness of the underside of butterfly wings.


The girls certainly don't seem bored by it.



There's something truly special about spring and all of the changes that take place. It's a fantastic thing to watch little ones stand in amazement of all that God has done in His creation. I hope that you, too, will enjoy the moments of revelation that take place with each change and every transformation.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

More Than Conquerors

I thought that I was cursed. No, really. I actually thought that there was some sort of curse on me when our medical clearance was revoked and we were told that we couldn't go overseas. I've never been very "lucky", except when it comes to the quality of my family members. I know that there's no such thing as luck, but it seemed to me that there had to be some sort of Old Testament curse on me and the children God has graciously given me. Our path was blessed with our incredible home and church, and everything seemed awesome. Then Ella got lead poisoning. Which I then took as confirmation of the Hannah Curse. Obviously, the fruit of my womb had to be dealing with the repercussions of some sin in my past or one of our ancestor's past, right? My logic is faulty at best, but whenever I allow myself to go there, a curse seems to be the only "possible" explanation.

As I went for my exceptionally long Sunday walk today, I asked God about my curse theory. He didn't reply verbally, but He brought to my mind a certain passage that is probably familiar to many of you:
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:37-39 ESV)

Then, as is my Father's way, He reminded me of the context:

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." (Romans 8:35-36 ESV)

And this is where He got personal. He spoke softly, but, let me assure you, it was clear. "You know, you have to go to battle to be a conqueror." It's true. If you want victory, you're going to have to fight. In order to fight, there has to be an enemy. Bad stuff has to happen if you're going to be "more than a conqueror".

And let me tell you, we are receiving victory after victory at the Attaway household. As I mentioned previously, we have been given a ministry stateside that we could have never imagined, and would have never been able to fulfill without the training we received for mission work. DeLaynie has made grand strides in development. We're raising the bar for her constantly, and she continues to surpass our expectations. She ate an actual pork chop the other night and even ate a little corn willingly. She sat right next to me in "big church" today, and my hair didn't turn gray or anything. She understood exactly what I meant when I said that she needed to be a big girl while we listened to that good looking pastor. She explained to Edwin the other night that when she was unkind to Ella, what she was really doing was "disobeying God's Word". Although her fine motor skills are still lacking, she is making great progress, and we are looking forward to DeLaynie beginning kindergarten next year, mainstreamed (but still receiving speech and occupational therapy as often as needed). Ella and lead? She has yet to display a single symptom, and her blood lead levels were considered acceptable the last time we had her tested.

There are always more battles ahead. That's the way of it. My daughters are both too young to know the Lord, but their parents are more than happy to wield swords on their behalves. While they have yet to join the army, we are amply supplied, completely armed, and ready to take on any foe through the power at work in us. That's what conquerors do, and we know that our King has a perfect battle plan. No matter the cost, His glory, His fame, His majesty, His recognition, they are worth it.

Bring it!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

What I Never Thought I'd Become

This is a short story that I wrote and used as an illustration in Sunday School. Although it is written in fairy tale terminology, it really isn't intended for children. It is somewhat graphic, but I never used a word or image that isn't from God's description of His people in Hosea or Ezekiel. I debated removing the more graphic words and concepts, but that would defeat the point. The story is still rough in form, but I wanted to go ahead and present it anyway. I hope that you find the truth amidst the fiction.

I was an orphan when He found me. He must have heard my muffled cries, though I tried desperately to keep silent as I shivered in the alley. Released from the orphanage without money, skills, or hope, I tried to sleep under a thin blanket, but sleep wouldn’t come. He heard me, and for reasons I will never understand, he asked me to walk with him. I didn’t know who he was until we came to what he casually called, “my place.” It was the palace. This man, this stranger was the Prince! He invited me to stay there.

For the first time since my mother had died years before, I really slept. The bed was soft, the room was warm, and my belly was finally full. It was as if they had expected me. The fire was stoked in the fireplace. The closet was full of beautiful clothes in just my size. There was a plate of fresh bread, cheese, and chocolate.

I was told to attend breakfast in the main dining hall. When the Prince and the King walked in, I stood to my feet and bowed, completely awestruck. I tried to keep my ignorance hidden, but it was a useless fight. Half way through breakfast I blurted out what I had tried so desperately to keep hidden. “There’s been a mistake!”

The King looked at me with a soft smile and asked what I meant. “Why am I here, Your Majesty?”

“My Son needs a bride, and He desires you. Of course, he deserves a woman who desires him as well, so you will have the choice to accept or refuse his proposal,” The King replied.

“You must not know who I am, then?”

The prince proceeded to tell me my name, how my parents had died, and what my life at the orphanage had been like. “I’ve been keeping an eye on you for a long time.”

We got to know each other, or I got to know him, over the next few weeks. Our betrothal was official two months later. Everything seemed perfect.

Because my chambers were located across the courtyard from the palace proper, there was a servant who escorted me between buildings at night. One night the regular servant was sick, and another man was filling in. The normal servant was silent, but this one spoke. “It must be strange to go from orphan girl to princess bride.”

I smiled and nodded, thinking that would be the end of it, but he continued. “Why do you think that is? Why do you think he chose you?”

I didn’t have an answer, but I didn’t want to seem rude. “I guess he just loves me.”

“Yes. But why?” I thought hard, but there was no answer to be found. The servant took it upon himself to fill the silence. “You are beautiful, you know. Sometimes I wonder if the Prince chose you because he knows that he can control you.”

I would be lying if I said that the thought hadn’t occurred to me, but hearing it out loud made the idea more real, more powerful than it had ever been. The servant continued, “You are lovely, and you have no other options. You can’t refuse him. You’ll spend the rest of your life trying to prove that you’re worth him.” I felt uncomfortable, but I let him keep talking. At this point, we had made our way out of the palace gates, out of the King’s protection. Then the servant said, “I would never control you.”

We talked for hours more, and then we went to his home. The next morning I woke up next to him, an adulteress. We met many more times, and then he said, “You know, you are really beautiful. I know that many men would be more than happy to pay for your… company.” I was shocked by the vulgarity, but excited by the idea of being wanted. “If you were to pursue a career, you could be independent. If the Prince didn’t want you, you wouldn’t need him.”

I couldn’t tell you how many men I slept with in exchange for the tiniest amounts of money, all while betrothed to the Prince. I still ate dinner with him and the King. Somehow, I kept the two lives separate.

Everything changed one night. I met with the servant, the man who was now my pimp. We had already slept together, though it wasn’t sweet anymore, or enjoyable. It was just a part of business. I hadn’t gotten a chance to put on my clothes when several men came into the bedroom. They tied my hands together. I was so shocked that I didn’t even fight it. “What are you doing?” I asked, feeling dazed.

“You have committed adultery and acted as a prostitute. As the Governor, chosen by the people, it is my right to condemn you.” They paraded me through the streets. I had a blanket draped around my shoulders, but it covered little. The world could see me. Finally, we made it to the town square, just in front of the palace. The Governor, the man I thought was my friend, the man who convinced me to live as a prostitute and caused me to doubt the love of the Prince, announced to all the people who had gathered, “This woman is betrothed to the Prince. These men will testify that she has committed adultery, acted as a prostitute, and because she is legally bound to the royal family, she has committed treason. The only punishment fitting is death.”

Shame so intense cannot be described. I chose to think about how cold I was, just as I had been the night the Prince found me. I thought about the sound of his voice that night, trying to block out the words the crowd hurled at me. Then I heard his voice again, but it was yelling, “Free her!” I looked up and saw the Prince. He took off his royal robe, and refusing to see my nakedness, he wrapped it around me. “I’ll take her place. I know the King’s law. I have the right to take her place.” I shook my head and tried to scream, but only my lips mouthed the word, “No!”

“You would take the place of a whore?” The Governor asked.

“I will.” Then he whispered in my ear, “Do not look away. You’ll only understand how much I love you when you see how great I suffer for you.”

I watched as they beat him. I watched as they spat on him, urinated on him, cursed him, and finally killed him. I watched as his body lay there, motionless. I watched as the true servants came from the palace and took his body. The man I had known, the Governor, was an impostor. Then a servant came and took me back to my chambers in the palace.

I wept for what seemed like days. The room that had overwhelmed me with joy the first night now seemed like a tomb. I didn’t let servants bring in more wood for the fire. I didn’t eat. Then, on the third day, I got a message that the King wanted to see me.

I walked slowly, hoping that I would die before I came to the throne room. My hands shook, my heart pounded, and my feet wavered with every step. How could I stand in the presence of the King? How could I look him in the face? The only reason he could possibly want to see me is that he wanted to throw me in the dungeon or have me executed for the death of his son. I was surprised that it took him as long as it did. It would all be over soon, and I was relieved at the thought of it.

When I walked in, the King was sitting on His throne. He motioned for me to enter. After I bowed, he finally spoke, “Child, have you seen my son?”

I was shocked, and I felt nauseous. “Sir. Don’t you know? The Prince is dead!”

“He was, but death is never permanent in this family.” He held out his hand to the door I had come in, and the Prince stood there. His clothes were bright white, but his robe was now red, the color of blood.

“I… I don’t understand.” My words sounded feeble, stupid, and very, very small.

“I’m alive. Your debt is paid.” The Prince was walking toward me. The nearer he came, the weaker I felt. As he approached me, I fell down at his feet.

Through my tears I finally got out the words, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I still didn’t understand, but this was bigger than my understanding. This was something new, something beautiful, something marvelously beyond my comprehension.

“Stand up, child. It’s time to talk about the wedding.” The King stepped down from his throne and held out his hand to help me up.

“Your Majesty! You can’t be serious! The Prince doesn’t want me!” I looked at my feet as I spoke, terrified of making eye contact with the King or Prince.

The Prince spoke as he gently pulled my chin and forced me to look him full in the face, “Why do you think I died for you? That’s a high price to pay for someone I didn’t want!”

The King interrupted, “Child, that sounds like humility to you, but it’s actually pride that motivates your words! What makes you think that your sin has greater value than the life of my Son?” He motioned for an attendant to walk in. “This is the gown you will wear tomorrow, your wedding day.” It was white!

“I can’t wear that, sir! It would be a lie!” Tears began to flow down my face, burning my cheeks.

“My Son paid for this gown with his own blood. You will wear it because it is the only dress that fits the Bride of the Prince. You will wear it because that is who you are!”

Most wedding day festivities don’t begin with a public execution, but it seemed fitting in this case. The Governor was hanged, along with everyone who followed him and served under his authority. He had deceived some of his followers so badly that they didn’t even know that they were working against the King. Their foolishness had a high price.

After the ceremony, as the King presented me to his Kingdom, he whispered in my ear, “You are my daughter now. I love you.” For the first time, I looked into His eyes and saw my Daddy. That is when I became a princess. That is how I became the daughter of the King and the wife of the Prince. Is it hard to believe? Sure. But the best stories in history always are.

This story is the intellectual property of Hannah Attaway, and may not be reproduced, replicated, or copied in whole or part without her expressed consent. For information on obtaining rights to this piece, please contact Hannah at hdattaway@gmail.com . Thank you!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Celebrating Easter

Dresses aren't the point. Egg hunts aren't the point. Family dinners aren't the point. Traditions aren't the point. The point is the cross, the fact that Christ died and rose again in payment for my sins. The point is that we have a risen Savior who is alive and at work in our world to this day. The point is that our God reigns and that death is eternally defeated. Jesus is the point of today and every day.

That being said, here are photos of all of the arbitrary things previously defined as "not the point." Enjoy!