Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Night on the Town!

I had my semi-weekly "Hannah's getting grumpy, so it's time for her to get out of the house by herself" outing tonight. Edwin is very, very supportive in helping me get that kind of time. I know how to pick 'em. I meandered through various stores, buying nothing. I was searching for an outrageously adorable outfit for Ella that was $2 or so. Oddly enough, there weren't any.

I tend to have fantasies in the "A Christmas Story" fashion. (Think about the scene where the teacher is reading all of the terrible papers and is overjoyed by Ralphie's work of brilliance.) I dream about things like finding aforementioned outfit and returning home with a parade and fireworks. I'm quite the realist.

I spent a large amount of the time that I wasn't shuffling through racks of baby clothes, as well as some of the time that I was, thinking about the coming months. We'll probably be leaving our church family and some very, very good friends in the coming weeks. We'll have our last Christmas with our families for a few years. I'll put the girls in daycare for the first time ever. I have a tremendously difficult time thinking about dropping them off in the mornings. I'm not sure what I'll do if they're cryers.

There are a plethera (that's right; a plethera) of changes coming down the pike. Some are good, and some are difficult. None are outside of God's control. I don't say this for your benefit as much as mine. I tend to preach to myself most of the time.

After some meditation in the clearance section, I went to the grocery store and bought some cake. Yet again, my naive daydreaming got the best of me. I had this pretty, little picture of me and Edwin sitting down together and talking about our days over cake. He ripped into his before I was able to sit down. The World Series was ending at that point, so he wasn't in much of a talking mood. He was cheering on the Rays, which didn't work out well for him, but he's more disappointed by the end of this year's baseball season and the idea that we (okay, he) may not be able to watch baseball for two or three years.

We're all going to have to make some sacrifices, and baseball probably isn't going to top the list. I'm pretty sure that Alabama football crushes baseball, unless the Braves beat all odds and have a great season next year. Edwin might have to get an online subscription for that one!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Hannan,
You don't know me, I just stumbled upon your blog and I was so touched. I both laughed and cried with you. I too am a pastors wife. My husband is the pastor of a charming little church in an equally charming little community in Texas. I've been at this business of both motherhood and pastor's wifing a little longer than you have.( I could be yours, I find myself ruefully admitting.) I wish I could tell you that the worrying and fretting over your children lessens over time and that motherhood gets easier. Unfortunately, I can't. The thing is, Thomas Kincade's picture is quite true, in your minds eye your children will always be your babies. Time teaches you that you wouldn't have it any other way either. Your every heart beat will always forevermore be for their best well being. They will forevermore be your greatest joy and chiefest cause of your deepest heartbreaks. They will forevermore be the center of your universe. When their world is great so will yours be and when their world isn't so great, well you know the rest. It's called being their mom. Your children will draw you closer to the Lord than you ever thought possible as you find yourself constantly turning to Him for comfort, wisdom and strength. Over time your confidence will build, as will your understanding of the knowledge that He loves your children so much more than you ever could and that He watches over them in His constant loving kindness. As you watch them grow, excell, achieve, become the person God made them to be you will be constantly awed that God gave them to you.

As a retired teacher, I can assure you that there is nothing like finding that brilliant paper in the stack, but any teacher worth the title will quickly tell you that your students in your classroom are exactly like your own children, they are uniquely made by God, and each one is brilliant in his or her own way.
I have been blessed during the course of my life to be both a stay at home mom, a homeschooling mom and a working mom who had to make use of a childcare facility. As for leaving your children in daycare for the first time. I can't lie to you, it will rip your heart out whether or not they cry when you leave them. Leaving them every day will cause you to doubt whether or not you are a good mother, whether or not you are making the right choice, and on some days whether or not you are even sane. But you will survive and so will they. Pray harder than you ever have over the place that you choose to care for your children,once you have chosen that place continue to keep your eyes and ears wide open and trust your instincts. But also remember that almost all of the people who choose to care for children for a living really do like kids and like you only want what's best for them. Generally, childcare providers are some of the most generous, loving, patient and kindhearted people on the planet. Make friends with your children's caregivers, treat them with respect and appreciation and they will return the favor by being good to your children. Only you and the Lord know His perfect choice for your life. He will take care of you and your family and you will live in the peace and contentment that only comes from knowing that you are living in the center of His plan for your life as long as you are walking in obedience to His bidding.